Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
TI 8300+: Calculator of the Future!
June 14, 2007
When you send your kid to school, he may need one of these: TI – 8300+
A) Screen – Newer, wider, more superdupermegapixels than ever before. Built in camera and viewfinder helps you quickly snap that shot of Kelly Simpson's cleavage while she's not looking. Note: superdupermegapixels do not protect against Kelly's boyfriend, Todd, punching you in the neck.
B) Ultracylon compounding laser – One never knows when the heliotrons will descend upon our school. Also, Todd's about to punch your neck.
C) 2nd Key – When in a conversation with someone via infrared, Bluetooth, multi-chat, a/v chat option, you can simply press this key to say "Yes. I second that."
D) Lunch Menu Button – Deli day? Hot foods? Holy crap, could it be pizza day? Up to the minute lunchroom updates- and with the plus model you can WiFi order that and have it waiting for you in the cafeteria.
button – Bored whilst rummaging through trig problems? Press
for the latest from Outkast Note: This song is always the radio edit of Bombs Over Bagdad.
F) Slick Wheel – iGod 400GB: music, photos, movies, web, universal remote, gameboy, air traffic controlling module, chapstick, skateboard and much more- including a laser pointer.
G) Cam – makes it easy to copy off the guy next to you. Thanks Danny Finklestein, I owe you so huge.
H) Right Side Nail File – ever stuck in class with a hang nail and/or broken nail? A quick fix is at your finger tips. Note: Filing your nails with the TI – 8300+ in class will not make you look any less gay.
I) Bottom Slide Out Drawer Keeps Pop Tarts warm all the way through 7th period.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.