Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
105% Issue #23
June 18, 2007
Very, very few animals were harmed in the making of this issue.
Barely any, really.
Two longtime acquaintances talk for the first time after seeing each others' profiles on a dating website:
Guy: So, um, I
Girl: Yeah, saw you on
Guy: Didn't know you were
Girl: I mean I don't usually
Guy: Me either, really
Both: Wanna screw?
Things God Created After Getting Stoned
- Planet Earth in HD
- Planet Earth
There are over 35,000 words in the English language but not one to describe what a mother feels when a homeless man is making her toddler laugh. Can I suggest: Chalimpsest?
My new goal in life is to marry Michael Cera. That way, when I introduced myself, people would think I was being redundant.
"Imagine that hypothetical situations triggered pessimism. I'm not even going to finish this joke because no one will like it anyway."
"There's a fine line between being skinny and being anorexic. The thing is, that line just doesn't think it's fine enough."
Guy 1: I've been constipated for like 5 days
Guy 2: No sh*t!
Merciful Freudian Slip:
"I want to stick my cigar in your mouth."
American Patriotism, If America Were Still Owned By England
"These colours don't run!"
"Please don't tread on me!"
"We were #1"
I took a hepatitis test. I got a C, so I guess I passed.
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