Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Schwarzenegger in '08
June 18, 2007
While he may share the current President's grasp of the English language, actor-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger might be just what the United States needs to resolve some of the Bush administration's unfinished issues—assuming the following ass-kicking characters are an indication of his political tactics
What our borders need aren't New Mexican weekend warriors with loaded Remingtons and too much free time. They need Schwarzenegger to fly Apollo Creed south of the border to fight Central American guerrillas and an extraterrestrial sporting some gnarly dreadlocks.
Issue: Stem-Cell Research
Pundits from the religious right can argue all day about the morality of tampering with the human genome, but genetic science that yields the kind of odd-couple antics Schwarzenegger and co-star Danny DeVito get into in this film puts the "play" back in playing God.
Issue: Global Warming
Governor Schwarzenegger only recently garaged his H2 and announced his plans to "green" California, but fans of 1990's
have known Arnold as an environmental savior since he fought his way through Sharon Stone and a three-breasted prostitute to single-handedly make Mars's atmosphere breathable.
The truth is, this Schwarzenegger bomb is nothing more than 2 hours of gender bending, "I'm having a mood swing" one-liners from Arnold, who plays a knocked up scientist. But we're assuming an actor's filmography has no effect on their ability to win elections. After all, Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura was in
The Master of Disguise
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
In addition to looking a hell of a lot more natural wearing a leather jacket while riding a Harley than John Kerry did on
The Tonight Show
, the T-800 cyborg, sent back in time to aid humanity in the looming robot uprising, is perfect for leading people through hastily waged and seemingly endless wars.
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