Kev Kage: OK, so, first off…should I call you She?

She: That’s a little short, but it’ll do.

KK:
Great. It’s no secret that you’re pretty well-known amongst the CollegeHumor commenters. How would you gauge your popularity?

She: I can’t believe how much it’s grown!

KK: It really is incredible, isn’t it? People seem to take notice of everything you say, even if it’s an arbitrary comment. For example, someone mentioned that you said, “I love roosters.”

She: That’s not exactly what came out of my mouth.

KK: Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t read my notes. My handwriting is atrocious.

She: Don’t worry, there’s better things you can do with your hands.

KK: How right you are! I heard that you broke the world record for “Time Spent on the Tea Cup Ride”, and that your Dad was your coach. What kind of advice did he give to you?

She: He just told me to sit on it and spin.

KK: Tremendous words of wisdom. Speaking of which, do you have anything to say to the people who have been thinking about making the SATs more difficult?

She: The harder the better, I always say.

KK: I’m not so sure I agree with you, but I guess you’re entitled to your own opinion. Do you have any thoughts on the war in Iraq, or on the execution of Saddam Hussein?

She: I didn’t think he was hung very well.

KK: I’d imagine many people feel the same way. I don’t really remember though, I have a hard time paying attention. Like…when I watch baseball, I only pay attention when the pitcher throws strikes.

She: It’s important to pay attention to the balls, too.

KK: I know, it’s just that I lack focus. I’m such an IDIOT! (brief pause) Um, sorry – I hate when I get so down on myself.

She: Would you be happier if you got down on me?

KK: That’s kind of you to offer, but I wouldn’t want to subject you to that. I’m already making you sit on that chair made of sandpaper. I can try again to look for another one-

She: It’s OK, I like it rough.

KK: I suppose you’re right. I mean, the interview is almost over anyway.

She: I thought this would be a little longer.

KK: Yeah, well, it’s not. Thanks for your time. And thanks for inviting me to your barbecue, though I’m going to need some convincing from you before I decide to go. I hope you do it right, because I really want to come.

She: That’s what I said.