Hey there kids, Professor B. here! I thought it was high time Collegehumor started paying attention to you younger folks reading this site. Afterall, if we don't show you youngins how awesome college can be, you might flunk out of spite or blow up your high school.

Luckily, I'm chock full of wisdom and sound advice and ready to pass my tidbits of knowledge around like joints at a Snoop Dogg party. Let's start with that age-old problem everyone from Thomas Edison to Hitler dealt with: hiding a Playboy from The Mom. Here's my top three solutions:

  • First, what are you doing still reading dirty magazines when there's like a gazillion FREE porn sites out there? Good luck getting into community college, moron.
  • Second, it's 2006, man. Your parents ought to be divorced by now, in which case you choose to live with your dad. Haven't you heard of the Al Bundy theorem? Dad=Loves Football and Porn.
  • Third, if you can't even successfully hide a thin little magazine what good are you going to be in college when the RA breaks in and you've got all of ten seconds to hide that hydroponics lab behind the dominatrix parlor stashed in your dorm? Forget it, I'm wasting my time with you, here.
  • Well, so long for now kids. Stay in school, and remember; you're underage so if you commit manslaughter you'll still get out when you're 18, unless your black or Hispanic, in which case you're fucked.

    -Professor B.