I like your updates. They're fine. It's funier when you answer letters thoough or I liked your old dear mindy ones. You should do more of those. You should write about anal. My girlfriend won't, but I'm hoping she will. What can I say to convince her?

Dear Suggestion,

Thanks for the suggestion, My parents are always like, "You should write about anal, more anal!" so I'll keep that in mind. Try saying these things to your girlfriend to convince her to have anal sex with you:

"You'll still be a virgin"br />"You can't get any STDs from that hole"
"No, I don't want to just do anal because I'm questioning my sexuality"br />"No baby, The "Donkey Punch" is a sign of affection and respect. Sometimes our intimacy goes beyond words." *
"It's just that when I look into your eyes I get all nervous and can't always get the job done, but the back of your head, I find that comforting."

If none of those things work, just surprise her when she's sleeping. Go for it, no warning. If she really loves you, she'll be honored and not feel invaded.

Lots of luck to you and yours,

Caught by best friend

My best friend caught me this weekend fucking his little sister (I'm 20, she's 17, legal in Iowa.) He says we are cool now. At first he threatened me with a knife. I spent the next two days at his house and things were just like normal. His sister made the first move, and I hate to leave business unfinished. If she comes on a college visit to our school, how much of a party foul would it be for me to finish what I started? FYI, I would do again, even if I was sober.

Dear Caught,

First of all, thanks so much for writing. I was just sitting at home the other day thinking "man, I get a lot of fun e-mails, but where are all my underage fucking messages from my peeps in Iowa?!"*

Okay, I want to start off by saying that I don't think you should ever use the phrase "party foul" again. I say dorky things all the time and so I'm pretty good at picking them out. My friends call me the "I carried a watermelon girl." ( But that's a whole other article and you probably grew up with Jennifer Grey's new nose and have no idea what I'm talking about) I digress, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the phrase "party foul" is cool. Or, maybe it's only cool when the "foul" is referring to screwing a 17 year old girl at a college party.
So scratch all that because what I really want to say is that you can do SO much better. The AOC in Iowa is 16, FY1. 16! (I wikipediad that shit) So why are you wasting your time on old, saggy, been-around-the-Iowa-block, 17-year-old pussy when you could legally be banging a 16-year old?! Find some frineds with some younger sisters.

"even if I was sober." Okay, I'm not going to tell you not to drink, but all girls deserve a guy who's nice, hard, and sober every once in awhile (even the ones still in high school).

Please keep all this in mind, and thanks for sharing,



i want to give her A amazing night in bed help what can i do?

Dear Help,

This is difficult because every girl is different. My idea of an "amazing night in bed" could be your girl's nightmare. In general though: Be attentive. Take your time. Use her whole body to turn her on. (Feet, hands, earlobes etc). And ask her questions. Some girls feel bad bossing guys around in bed (I don't know why) so give her an opportunity to tell you what she wants.

Here's some things NOT to do.

Hum Justin Timberlake's Cry Me A River when you're inside of her.
Jab at her clitoris until she's in pain and then proceed to gently tickle her g-spot.
Talk to her breasts. (More specifically baby talk.) Make breasts talk back.
Slam her breasts together and say something like, "Boob wars!!"
Compare her vagina to your ex girlfriend's vagina
Compliment her on her body using the words "real" "healthy" or "dove girl"

Good luck,


*I think that's bullshit, but I'm sure it works on some girls.
*No, that won't work. I'm sure your girlfriend is smart enough not to let anyone inside any of her holes without a clean bill of health or what my mom calls a "happy poncho"
*Unless that's not true. I'm not judging. I know TONS of heterosexual men that LOVE anal. Calm down. I don't even know you.
*The Donkey Punch can lead to severe injury and/or death. Don't punch your partners in the back of the head!
*This is the one I would go with, and maybe add something about her hair and how pretty it is.
*I think words like "peeps" but I don't say them aloud.