105% – The Opposite of News

I like big butts, and I cannot tell a lie.
-George Washington
Prelude to Disappointment
"Sweet, The Importance of Being Earnest. This will be even better than Slam Dunk Ernest.
Guy who created Dramatic Chipmunk clip goes to a bar:
Yeah, then I added the music and I was like, you know what? This is gonna be huge. Hello? Where are you going? Come Ba— damn.
I fear Smokey the Bear has put too much faith in my fire fighting abilities.
They say no news is good news. That is, unless you work at a newspaper.
It is unacceptable to dress up your pet in silly outfits, unless you own an orangutan.
In beer pong, it's not about winning or losing. It's about giving it your all, trying your best. It's about giving 220 proof.
Sassy Helen Keller
"Talk to the hand, 'cause the face was rendered immobile by scarlet fever."
I was dating an Asian girl for two years, but it turned out I was cheating on her the whole time.
Daniel Pearl's Wife in 2000
Wife: I wish to be played by Angelina Jolie in a movie.
Evil genie: Your wish is my command! MUAHAHAA!
Wife: Awesome, my girlfriends are going to be so jealous.
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