Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
How It Happened
June 26, 2007
: A darkened boardroom at Coca-Cola Headquarters in Atlanta, GA, 1964.
: Gentlemen! As you know, I have gathered you here today because our product is currently being outsold by Pepsi. What are you doing to ensure that I make a profit this quarter?
: Well, Mr. President, we could make some new commercials.
: Go on.
: Lewis and I have been working on a new jingle.
: Play it for me.
: Well, sir, it really won’t sound as good without my accordion.
: Or the wind chimes.
I hate it already. Carmichael, what have you got, you good for nothing piece of horse anus? You’re my least favorite daughter.
: I’m your son.
: Then what’s with the
Lewis & Peterson
: (laughing & high-fiving each other)
: Aw shucks!
: Now you’re my slave until I say your name three times. Get me a Coke.
: Hey! Mr. President! That gives me an idea!
: I know what you’re thinking, Carmichael: We can market Coke to war veterans by packaging it with single-malt scotch.
: …No, sir. We can propagate a rule stating that every time someone declares jinx, the jinxed person must buy him a Coke.
: Yes… Yes, that’s perfect! Think how many jinxes are called every day! Every hour! Our sales with quadruple! And we’ve cornered the market! Carmichael, you’re a genius!
President of Pepsi & President of Faygo
: (watching via spy satellite)
President of Faygo
: Jinx. You owe me a Coke!
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.