This is it. This is the perfect bedding to get for my dorm room. It's classy. It's comfortable. It's black. It's satin. It's satin. It's satin. Did I just say that three times? God I'm excited. Everyone thinks they're so creative for getting denim or t-shirt material bedding, but they're all just fools. That stuff is still just a variation of cotton-based synthetics. It's a known fact that every cotton-based synthetic wishes it were a bad-ass piece of jet black satin. I can't believe I found this in the clearance bin at Target. Sweet, when I get this bedding on my mattress I'm going to be classy enough to start pronouncing it Tar-Jay, like I'm French or something. And then girls are going to think I'm French. I can't remember if being French is popular, but with sheets like this, who gives a f*ck.

Oh yeah, this bedding is going to be a babe magnet. Because it's black like a magnet. And satin. Like a magnet. When babes come and see my room for the first time they'll ask for the tour, and on the tour, when I'm showing all them honeys my bed, I'll say, "This is where the magic happens." I heard Shaq say that one time on Cribs. So smooth. Like satin. That's what I'll be. And then the magic will happen. I just know it. Who can deny the sexy powers of luxury bedding? No one, that's who. Yeah. I'm so clever. No wonder my mom finally let me go and do my own dorm room shopping.