Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
A Letter From Al Powell the Cop From Die Hard 1 (Aka Reginald Vel Johnson)
June 27, 2007
Dear Bruce Willis,
What the hell, man? Do I look like assh*le? Because you keep wiping me to the side every chance you get. I mean C'
! I can't believe you made another "Die Hard" movie without ME Sgt. Al F-ing Powell. Need I remind you that I was the glue that held the 1st Die Hard movie together. People related to MY story. Need I remind you that without me you'd be just another dead d-bag. Remember,
the one who shot Karl. Me.
the hero of Die Hard. Not you.
Granted, I was pissed when I read Die Hard 2 and I only had a cameo role. I remember coming over your house and trying to stab you with a pocket knife. But when I went to plunge the knife into your chest you easily diarmed me and I just broke down crying. You and Demi made me mint tea and you had your driver send me home. That was nice and I'm sorry about that. I mean how many times do I have to apologize for attempting to kill you.
But Damn if you didn't screw around me like whore in Thailand again when Die Hard 3 came out. but remember I called you up and you said, next movie it's me and you. Then you go cast Samuel Jackson.
! C'mon Dude. I act circles around that guy. Remember my dramatic monologue when I explained why I worked a desk and I said "I shot a kid." That's drama. That's emotion. I am the master of acting. But yet all you see on every bus is "Yippee Yai Yeah M ." It should read "I shot a kid.-Die Hard 4"
Look I just read The Secret and it says I shouldn't hold a grudge, but damn it's real hard with you. You didn't even show up when me and Deavoreaux White, the dude who played you Limo Driver in Die Hard 1 did True West in Burbank at Senor Tacos. That was a great show. Holly Mclane showed up and so did the guy who played Mr. Takagi but he was drunk and very rude to the mexican waitstaff. Anyway I digress.
Basically I guess it was bullcrap when you said "Welcome to the Party Pal." Because You and I are not pals and your party is for 2 people. You and Your Ego!
Fuck You and Goodnight!
Reginald Vel Johnson
"Al Powell from Die Hard"
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.