I’ve been searching long and hard for two things while pursuing degrees in college: the perfect public toilet and the perfect girl. The other day I had an epiphany when I realized their similarities. With both the perfect toilet and the perfect girl, you want it/her to:

#Smell nice.

#Have not been used by a lot of guys.

#Be disease-free.

#Be worthy of sharing with your friends.

#Not require protection to use.

#Be pube-free

#Appear clean enough for your mother to approve.

#Not mind being peed on.

#Have no fetuses inside.

#Have soft toilet paper nearby for when you're finished.