Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The Perfect Girl vs. The Perfect Public Bathroom
September 28, 2006
Iâ€™ve been searching long and hard for two things while pursuing degrees in college: the perfect public toilet and the perfect girl. The other day I had an epiphany when I realized their similarities. With both the perfect toilet and the perfect girl, you want it/her to:
Have not been used by a lot of guys.
Be worthy of sharing with your friends.
Not require protection to use.
Appear clean enough for your mother to approve.
Not mind being peed on.
Have no fetuses inside.
Have soft toilet paper nearby for when you're finished.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.