Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
God Blog X - The Almighty In Love
June 28, 2007
You guys, I am soooo sorry for the heat wave. It wasn't suposed to happen like that at all. It was supposed to get gradually hotter but I was so distracted that I set the sun to full blast and didn't remember to put the timer on it. I totes did not mean to do that and I'm sorry. The thing is I've been kind of distracted lately.
OK, Ok, I'll admit it, I have a crush on someone. Her name is Christine and the moment I created her I knew I had to have her so last week I made her get hit by a taxi. I felt kind of guilty, ya know, because she was only 25 and had her whole life ahead of her and all that, but I really, really liked her. Like, like-liked her.
It was hella-awk when she got up here too. First I tried my favorite pick-up line, "Did it hurt when you were hit by a taxi and rose up to heaven?" She didn't seem amused. She was all "it happened so fast, I miss my family " and like I felt so bad that I almost called her whole family back up to Heaven just to make her happy. After she was all, "I hope they live long, happy lives," I had to un-throw a bolt of lightening at the plane they were on.
I gave her a sweet cloud to live at and she seems pretty happy. I normally roll by there once a day all cool like "Oh hey, how are things?" I think she knows I like her, too, which is pretty embarrassing. It kind of sucks because since I'm made of pure love, energy and helic (an emotion your mind cannot comphrehend, blah blah blah ;p ) I can't actually, ya know, hook up with her. It's not that big of a deal since being in Heaven is like a full body non-stop orgasm, but still Like, I love all my creations equally (excpet Gabriel who is a fuck) but I really love Christine.
This happens every few thousand years: I create something so perfect, so beautiful and so divine that I must call them back to Heaven quickly. This is the same thing I did with the Barnacle when I invented it, like, a million billion years ago or whatever. Same deal with this one fire ant a few thousand years back that was just so man, so perfect.
So anyway, I'll keep you guys updated on what happens with Christine. I think I'm going to invite her to the Ambrosia Fields for the Exhaulted Cousel debate on whether or not we should allow humans to predict earthquakes (I'm kind of back and forth on it,
!) But I don't know if that's her thing. Maybe we'll just go bowling and cause loud thunderstorms over Chicago. Who knows? Wish Me luck you guys, Me be with you!
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.