Dear Rich Kid Who Shops at Thrift Store,

I need to tell you that what you're doing completely defeats the purpose of the existence of a thrift store. These items are on sale for people who have a low, fixed income, not trustfund babies who grew up in Brookline and claim to be "from Boston."

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Sorry, but buying back your old, middle school T-shirts – the ones that your mom donated last year – is neither cool nor retro.

That stain on the top of the left shoulder does not add flavor to your outfit nor does it represent your rebellious political ideology.

I get that you're trying not to come off as materialistic or whatever, but don't you think that you lose that a little bit when you wear your torn $2 suit jacket with Prada shoes made out of baby alligator skin and unused stem cells?

All I'm saying is that you're not fooling anybody. We know you're rich. Just wear J. Crew and be a douchebag so that the rest of us can hate you and get on with our lives. I'm tired of this moral ambiguity my conscience has had to endure because you suddenly thought plaid was cool again.

Love,Neil