(The scene: An overly-excited reporter is standing in a Wal-Mart in suburban Detroit.)

I can't believe it folks! I, Throb Hardcastle, have secured an interview with the Paris Hilton, just days after her release from an L.A. County Correctional Facility! Here she comes now!



(Throb runs up to a black man in his mid-thirties)

TH: Paris! Paris! Can I have a few words?

Paris Hilton: Uh, sure thing buddy, but can you call me by my first name, Hilton.

TH: (apologetically) I'm sorry about that, Ms. Hilton


Hilton Paris: What the? Are you drunk, son? I ain't no woman!

TH: How does it feel to be free after your ordeal this last few weeks?

HP: Uh, what ordeal? You mean finally breaking it off with that 19-year old white girl? Sure, I guess…..

TH: Wow! An exclusive! Paris Hilton is a bisexual! I didn't mean your steamy prison love-fest, I meant your actual incarceration.

HP: First of all, my name is HILTON PARIS! Got it? And I ain't never spent no time in no jail! You do realize that I'm a black man, don't you?

TH: Ms. Hilton, I don't judge people on the color of their skin. It's wrong. Unless you're black, or Carlos Mencia.

HP: You off your medication, son?

TH: Back to my questions……

HP: Sorry, son, I gotta change the prices on some DVD's….

(HIlton walks away, Throb follows)

TH: So, Ms. Hilton, speaking of DVD's, do you think an eventual Britney Spears sex tape will outshine yours?

(Hilton takes out his price gun and starts working)

TH: I assume that your silence means, that you wish to change topics?

HP: I don't give a damn about no Britney Spears, or anything like that! MY NAME IS HILTON PARIS, DAMMIT! NOT PARIS HILTON!

(Manager walks toward them)

TH: Uh-oh, looks like someone's a little catty after her time behind bars and seeing someone try to take some of her shine!

HP: If you say one more thing to me about some crazy white woman, I will beat you with my price gun until I can't move my arms anymore.

TH: Got it, no more Brit questions…… So, how about that feud with Nicole Richie?

(Hilton screams and lunges toward Throb, the manager intercedes and starts to escort Hilton towards the back of the store.)

TH: Well folks, it looks like Ms. Hilton's handlers have decided that it's time for her next engagement. I think we got some real insight into the life of one of our country's most talked about celebrities!

(From a distance you hear Hilton shout something unintelligible)

TH: Uh-oh, looks like she has to talk to Larry King again! Ha Ha H……

(Throb gets drilled by the price gun that Hilton threw from across the department.)

TH: That bitch!