Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Am I cool?" If so, you are definitely not cool. Because everyone who is cool knows that doubting ones own coolness makes one uncool. But if you want to be cool, I can give you a few pointers.

1. Smoke

This one is pretty obvious. Smoking is extremely cool. And, the sooner you start smoking, the cooler you are. I personally have been smoking since age 7.

2. Get in Fights

If you get in a lot of fights, people will know not to mess with you. And people who are cool never get messed with.

3. Quote Popular Movies

This is easy. When a new movie comes out that is sure to be a hit, go see it opening night. Make sure you listen carefully, even take notes of you have to. For the next 3 weeks, quote the movie as much as possible. That way you don't have to think of funny things to say for yourself. High Five!

4. Speak In one Word Sentences as Much as Possible

Not caring about stuff is cool. A few examples:

"What do you want for dinner?"
"Whatever."

"Nice weather, huh?"
"Word."

"You are going to need major invasive surgery."
"Bummer."

5. Don't Worry What Other People Think About You or Let Them Tell You What To Do

If you really want to be cool, you won't worry what others think about you or allow them to change who you are. So do exactly as I say and everybody will like you.