"Most people wouldn't even think to use elk feces as a source of food, but it's extremely rich in vitamin B6, which will keep me energized during my hike today."
"Fires are vital to one's survival through the cold nights here in the Andes, and a good way to make one is to urinate on a large piece of granite, then rub elderberries against it in a circular motion."
"During my 56 years of service in the British special forces, I did thousands of parachute jumps. But I've only attempted a double loop corkscrew swan dive into a red ant mound twice."
"I am now going to jump into this small glacial lake to show you how to survive in this situation. Okay take off all of my clothes (are you guys getting this?) and just dive in! AAAAAAGHHH chatterchatterchatter AS YOUCANSEE IT'S QUITECOLD "
"I haven't eaten since I had some Fritos and a Diet Coke on the helicopter, and I'm absolutely starving. A lion would make a great meal."
"Look can you see? Just past that outcropping is a male rhinoceros. He's spotted us. In this situation you have to remain VERYQUIET. Rhinos have terrible eyesight, but have a superb sense of sound. Some studies have reported that they can hear leaves rustling from MILES away. We have to be EXTRACAREFUL, because right now is the peak of the rhinoceros mating season. I said THEPEAK OF THERHINOCEROSMATINGSEASON."
"Mountain goats are quite common in the Himalayas, and if I can gain one's trust, I might be able to ride it to civilization."
"If you can't find any dry wood to start a fire, a good way to stay warm is by spooning with your personal camera crew under the fleece blankets they brought."