You know guys, I am getting tired of everyone in class complainingabout the size of my head. I think its time we discuss the issue.

Whats that you say? You are unable to see the blackboard with my "massivenoggin" in the way? Well too bad.What would you like me to doabout it?No, Iwill not move to the back of the room! Do you think you get a head this size by sitting in the back of class goofing around?! Of course not. You get it by consuminginformation which isbest acquiredat the front of the classroom.

And for the one millionth time, no I will not slouch in my chair so you can see over my head. My back hurts enough alreadyfrom supporting this "giant dome" , as you have all referred to it, for years. I dont care if my head covers 1/3 of the blackboard. Im not going to endanger the health of my body just because you have decided to sit behind me.

Whats that? There is no where else to sit and therefore you must sit behind me? Hmmm…have you looked into purchasing a booster seat?

And since we're talking about grievances, let me discuss one with all of you. What is that incessantnoice all of you sitting behing me continue to make throughout class?!! It is very disruptive to the learning environment.

Oh so thats what it is. I never would've guessed it was all 15 of you shifting your heads and bodiesleft to right over and over againin a vain attempt to see around my head. Hey look on the bright side. Obesity is a problem in America and from the sound of things you guys are getting in a great workout during class by constantly having to move around in your chairs to see what the professor is writing. So…your welcome.

And why dont you alljust raise your hand and ask the professor to re-write what he put on the blackboard in a spot you can see? Oh, you tried that already. And hecouldn't see your raised hand behind my head? Hmmm…Im starting to think purchasing that booster seat would be very helpful.

Don't tell me that idea is stupid. I'm trying to help you guys out. You're the stupid ones in class. Don't most of you only have a 66% in here?! What??…Oh yeah thats right. You can only see 2/3 of the blackboard.

Look, enough of this. I have tried to discuss the issue calmly, but just like the way you described the shifting in your seats, this discussion has alsobecome infuriating, uncomfortable, and painful to the ass.

Sorry guys, but I'm the kid in class with the big head. There has been one of me in your guys' classes since you all were in preschool.I frustrate you, annoy you, and am the main reason that most of you sitting behind me now have a D- in the class, arash on your butt and arthritis in your neck. Your ongoing complaints and requests that I do something about the issue have yet to deter me from sitting in the front of the classroom, and I doubt anymore in the future will change anything. But thank you for giving me this opportunity to defend myself. See you tomorrow in class!