Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
105% Issue #25
July 9, 2007
105% may not be rebroadcast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball
"According to a recent polling of Americans, nearly 100 percent dislike being struck with a pole."
My dad struggled with alcoholism for most of his life but for me it's come really easy.
Lazy Wedding Toast
Webster's dictionary defines love as strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers. And that pretty much nails it. To Dan and Rebecca!
I think people can have more than one soul mate. Like, any girl that would sleep with me is my soul mate.
Explaining Color to a Blind Person
Blue: Like blueberries. Except those are purple but you get the gist.
Red: Remember how glorious the blueberries looked? It's like that, but brighter. Redder.
Green: Opposite of Red.
Black: Well, you know this one, right?
The Wedding Vows of Vlygar, Shape-Shifting Demon
You are my one true love my soulmate. Who else but you could love a boat? I will only love you more, even as my leaves turn brown and fall off. Sure, I'm always chasing mice and playing with yarn, but when you kiss my wheels, I realize that I am the luckiest grapefruit in the world.
Overexcited Wedding Toast
When I think about the love Dan and Rebecca have for each other, a million tiny explosions go off inside my heart. That's not a metaphor. Dan and Rebbecca's love is so powerful it penetrates my skin, reaches inside my organs, and chips away at my normally black soul.
There's this won word I always use incorrectly.
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