Calling it the "freshman fifteen" isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to the weight you put on. Each pound you apply to your fattening girth is unique in its own special way. Here is a pound-for-pound breakdown of exactly where each 16 ounces of fat comes from.

Pound 1: Welcome week means free pastries. One pound cake, please.

Pound 2: You mean to tell me this dorm food is all you can eat? No more deciding between onion rings or fries! It's "and" from here on in!

Pound 3: A free Ice-Cream social to get acquainted with your on-campus association? I'll get acquainted with these sprinkles, thank you very much.

Pound 4: Oh man, free soda day at this YMCA Booth. Don't mind if I Dew!

Pound 5: $1 Krispy Kreme donuts at that bake sale? Well, it's for a good cause. Here's $13, make it a baker's dozen, my good man.

Pound 6: The thing I love about Cheez-its is, you can eat several boxes a day and not feel bad about it.

Pound 7: You bet me I can't eat 10 hamburgers in one sitting? You're on.

Pound 8: Okay, double or nothing.

Pound 9: I've heard of the gallon challenge before, but not with half-n-half!

Pound 10: $2 Burrito Wednesday is the greatest thing since $3 Burrito Tuesday.

Pound 11: Chocolate Milk, Chocolate Syrup, what's the difference? I'll have one glass of each, sir.

Pound 12: Hm, doctor says my one pound tumor is malignant. But what does he know? TWINKIE FIGHT!!!!

Pound 13: Another birthday for some kid in the hall? I'm not one to turn down a cupcake… or two…or nine.

Pound 14: Finals week is so stressful; pass me the cookie dough log. No, the fried one.

Pound 15: Finals week is over! We can finally eat our textbooks!

This, and many other hilarious college based advice in The CollegeHumor Guide to College. Available in any bookstore and only $16 bucks on Amazon! Much cheaper than that boring Math Textbook that cost you $110.