The Inverse Tolerance Law: You will dislike your roommate exponentially more for every Scarface poster he hangs on his side of the wall.
The Morgan-Beam Conjecture: You get 8% better at making decisions for every shot you take. If the shot is over 120 proof, this number increases to 12%.
Heinrich's Theory of Expanding Nomenclature: Every preposition in the name of a class will make it 10% more boring.
The Inverse Curve Theorem: For every student of Asian descent the average grade of the non-Asian students will fall three points.
The International Cafeteria Theorem: Each South or Central American country represented in your dining hall's "'world cuisine' menu will increase your chances of having diarrhea 5%.
Strenberg's Law of Exponential Aggravation: Groups of girls get 10% more annoying with each beer they drink.
The Facebook Postulate: The number of Facebook friends you have after 100 is inversely proportional the number of friends you have in real life.
The Douchebag Constant: The number of rubber Livestrong-esque bracelets purchased in the past five years added to the number of Dave Matthews Band CDs in one's collection multiplied by the number of days spent trying to grow facial hair and divided by the length of facial hair in inches results in an accurate measure of douchieness.
Applebee's Theory of Fiscal Responsibility: For every item ordered and every additional person you're with, so does your likeliness of getting screwed when it comes time to split the bill.
^For every percent greater than 100, there is an increasing chance you will have to withdraw extra money from the ATM
The Mayer Principle: Your chance of getting laid doubles with each John Mayer song you know how to play on guitar.
The Bon Jovi/Sambora Bounce Postulate: The number of girls singing Livin' on a Prayer together + the cost of a beer / the number of girls not singing Livin' on a Prayer = how badly you need to leave the bar