Mathematical equations to help you live your everyday life. Compiled with the help of noted left brain thinker, Jeff Rubin and statistical wizard, Intern Chris.

The Inverse Tolerance Law: You will dislike your roommate exponentially more for every Scarface poster he hangs on his side of the wall.

D = amount you dislike your roommateS = number of Scarface posters your roommate hangs on his side of the wallT = average time between hangings (in days)


The Morgan-Beam Conjecture: You get 8% better at making decisions for every shot you take. If the shot is over 120 proof, this number increases to 12%.

D = Decision making abilityS = a shot you takeP(s) = proof of shot


Heinrich's Theory of Expanding Nomenclature: Every preposition in the name of a class will make it 10% more boring.

B = Total Boringness of classS = Default boringness of class (without prepositions factored in)P = number of prepositions in Class Title


The Inverse Curve Theorem: For every student of Asian descent the average grade of the non-Asian students will fall three points.

A = number of Asian students in classG = average grade of non-Asian students in classC = Class Average


The International Cafeteria Theorem: Each South or Central American country represented in your dining hall's "'world cuisine' menu will increase your chances of having diarrhea 5%.

D = Chance of having diarrheaS = South American country represented in dining hall's world cuisine menuCA = Central American country represented in dining hall's world cuisine menu


Strenberg's Law of Exponential Aggravation: Groups of girls get 10% more annoying with each beer they drink.

G = group of girlsB = number of beers the group collectively drinksA = total annoying level of girls in group G


The Facebook Postulate: The number of Facebook friends you have after 100 is inversely proportional the number of friends you have in real life.

F = number of Facebook Friends you haveR = number of real friends you have


The Douchebag Constant: The number of rubber Livestrong-esque bracelets purchased in the past five years added to the number of Dave Matthews Band CDs in one's collection multiplied by the number of days spent trying to grow facial hair and divided by the length of facial hair in inches results in an accurate measure of douchieness.

D = DouchienessB = number of Livestrong-esque bracelets purchased in past five yearsC = Dave Matthews Band CDs ownedF = days spent trying to grow facial hairL = length of facial hair (in inches)


Applebee's Theory of Fiscal Responsibility: For every item ordered and every additional person you're with, so does your likeliness of getting screwed when it comes time to split the bill.

A = Appetizers orderedD = Drinks orderedP = number of additional people you splitting a bill withS = Percentage chance of getting screwed when it comes time to split up the billB = bill total

^For every percent greater than 100, there is an increasing chance you will have to withdraw extra money from the ATM


The Mayer Principle: Your chance of getting laid doubles with each John Mayer song you know how to play on guitar.

P = number of John Mayer songs you know how to play on guitarD(wet) = percent chance of getting your D wet


The Bon Jovi/Sambora Bounce Postulate: The number of girls singing Livin' on a Prayer together + the cost of a beer / the number of girls not singing Livin' on a Prayer = how badly you need to leave the bar

L = how badly you need to leave a barS = number of girls singing Livin on a prayer togetherN = number of girls not singing Livin on a prayerC = cost of a beer