It was a long night full of Jager shots and pretending to listen to girls talk. Too bad you didn't try harder. Because now you're alone in your room with your roommate who just threw up into his own hamper and passed out under the futon. You're sober enough to know that drunkenly IMing the girl you used to hook up with is a bad idea, but still drunk enough not to care. And since I can't do anything to stop you at this point, here are, at least, a few things that you can and can't say.

Okay To Say :: Not Okay
Hey, haven't seen you in a while"
I miss you so much
Where were you tonight?
Why don't you call me anymore? I still like you
Hey how was your night?
We should be sex buddies
Hey it would be cool to see you soon
If I just lay here on my bed with my dick out will you you come over and climb on top of it?
What are you doing up so late?
Are you fingering yourself right now?
Hey I'm sorry I have been such a dick lately
So, I stopped calling you cause your vagina smelled weird
We should get together sometime this week
I need you Mary, okay? Just stop being such a bitch and respond to my text messages, I don't even understand what I did" I never had sex with Jamie, we made out like one time and it was for like, two seconds. Basically, she just stuck her tongue in my mouth and I pushed it out, using my own tongue

What's your roommate up to right now?
Can I come over, I'm feeling sexy
Long time, no see
I gave you herpes
I think I left my black hoodie over there
I have been jerking off into the panties you left here for the past two weeks
Were you in bio on Monday?
I watched you from the back of the room in bio on Monday, your hair was up and you were wearing a green sweatshirt. I watch you often.
Haven't see you in a while
I cry alone in my room a lot lately, just listening to The Goo Goo Dolls as I lie on the floor
Remember when we went on that roadtrip?
You look so fat in your new Facebook picture. Have you gained weight?
Who did you go out with tonight?
If I find out you're hooking up with Jeff I'll fucking kill you.
You don't have my white hat, do you?
I get off by looking at your webshots
What's up?
I still love you