Why Penn State University's Jay Bundy is my hero
After being announced as the winner of the student government elections, Jay proclaimed "If the students are stupid enough to vote for someone so inappropriate and retarded as I am, then they deserve a president who is going to give the worst performance to the best of his ability."
That's his Facebook picture.
At one debate, Jay and his vice presidential candidate both removed their jackets to reveal torn, sleeveless dress shirts. That's exactly the kind of razzle-dazzle showmanship contemporary American politics needs.
He didn't appear on FOX news when they did a story about him.
After winning, he promised his upcoming presidency would be, "a fucking shitshow." He added, "You voted for me, bitches, that was a bad idea."
Whereas many politicians would apologize and attribute their controversial comments to emotional outbursts, Bundy stood by what he said. He commented, "Using my appropriate French, I finalized that with the word shitshow. If people were offended by that, I apologize. We're gonna say sweet nothings on the record all day long. Cut. Quote. Print. That's sounds a lot better than no comment. It's all a game."
He is the president of Penn State's NORML chapter. NORML is, of course, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.
Bundy's opponent was also named Jay. Bundy ran under the slogan, "the best Jay in town."
During the same debate in which he appeared sleeveless, Bundy peppered the dialog with such comments such as "Amen. Hallelujah," "social dynamics for life," and "rock on."
After his outburst, Bundy's vice presidential running mate said, "This is typical, it happened last year about this time. He totally went off the deep end. He disappeared for a couple days, and they found him passed out on the steps of some building at Penn State."
In a three-candidate race where 2,600 people voted, Bundy came in first by almost four hundred votes. He also secured the endorsement of Penn State's student newspaper, The Daily Collegian.
Bundy's actions elicited several letters to the editor from crotchety old alumni. Crotchety old alumni are the worst, and upsetting them is a badge of honor. Crotchetiest quote "I was hoping this student body took its student government more seriously than to elect this clown Jay Bundy."
Since being elected president, Bundy has been disqualified. Election officials claim that he spent $34.06 more than the guidelines allowed. Controversy persists as to whether Jay is just being punished for his outburst.
As if he wasn't busy enough, Jay was also recently arrested. Earlier this week, he allegedly stole $5 worth of snacks from a gas station. Jay claims he was just leaving to pump his gas and intended to return and pay for everything. When asked about the night he had to spend in jail, Jay commented, "It was fun. I got to wrestle these big guys. They threw me around, and I chewed them out verbally. I spent one night in hell, but do you know how much street cred I got?"
Jay didn't help his own case when he kicked the walls and thew papers all around the district magistrate's office. According to a criminal complaint, while in court he kicked a door closed which then hit a police officer. When told to be quiet, he pounded his shackled hands on the table and pledged to "work the whole system, even the judge."
Please, join the FREE JAY BUNDY Facebook group.