34-year-old Mitchell Larson lies asleep in bed when an iridescent form floats into the room.
Ghost: Mitchell… Mitchell…
Mitchell: What? Who’s there?
Ghost: It is I. I have come from the Great Beyond.
Mitchell: It’s not possible… are you really… who are you?
Ghost: Lorraine Banks.
Mitchell: I’m sorry, who?
Ghost: Lorraine Banks, your summer camp bus driver.
Ghost: Aren’t you happy to see me?
Mitchell: Um, sure. Honestly, I didn’t even know you were dead. How are you?
Ghost: I’m fine. Things are good.
Mitchell: Okay. That’s good.
Ghost: Well, I’m gonna get going.
The Ghost begins to float away.
Mitchell: No, wait! In the afterlife… have you seen my mother? Or my father? My father and I had a terrible falling out, and we hadn’t spoken in six years when he died. I always wished I could have had a chance to make things right.
Ghost: Oh. I’ll tell him you said hi.
Mitchell: Well, more than “hi.” There’s really so much that I want to say –
The Ghost disappears into the night. Another glowing figure floats into the room.
Ghost: No, it is I, Dr. Milton, the Vet from Maplewood Animal Hospital.
Mitchell: Oh. Listen, in Heaven, have you seen my wife, Sarah? She died in a plane crash three years ago. Her last words to me on the phone were “There’s just one extremely important thing I want you to know.” And then we got cut off. I would give anything to speak to her again, even just once.
Ghost: Doesn’t ring a bell.
Mitchell: If you people can visit whenever you want, why isn’t she here?
Ghost: You people?
Mitchell: Look, I just miss my wife.
Ghost: I see how it is.
The Ghost vanishes through the wall. Three more ghosts descend from the ceiling.
Mitchell: Mom! Dad! Sarah!
Ghosts: Pardon? We are Loretta, Mary and Linda, from the Great Beyond.
Mitchell: F*ck, who?
Ghosts: Your lunch ladies at Jefferson Middle School.
Mitchell: I want to see my family!
Ghosts: Would you like some peas?
Mitchell: My twin sons both passed away yesterday, and nobody knows why.
Ghosts: Try them, they’re ghost peas.