George Washington

ME: President Washington, you fought for American independence from the British. Do you believe the United States' involvement in the Middle East is protecting the legacy of freedom you built, or simply imposing its will on other nations?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: The Tree of Liberty is fragile, my lad. And difficult decisions are often required to defend it. Let us say, for example, my slave tells me a bandit has absconded with my stallion. Why, do I not then have the right to find the thief and—

ME: Wait. What? Your what?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: My stallion. It means horse.

ME: No. Your slave? Your slave tells you the horse was stolen?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: One of them, yes. And it's stallion. Not horse.

ME: Right. Thanks.

Abraham Lincoln

ME: Sir, you signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing slaves from 200 years of American oppression. Do you think blacks have achieved true equality in the US, or are we still a nation crippled by racism?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: Well, these United States of ours are based on a principal that's quite simple, really: all men are created equal.

ME: That's very wise, Mr. President.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: You see, democracy and slavery are much like women and voting: the two simply don't mix.

ME: Woah. Okay. Can we maybe do this later?


ME: Okay. Mahatma, though you aren't an American, your legacy of non-violence and equality amongpeople of all kinds is a wonderful example for our country. Do you have any words of wisdom for the United States?

GANDHI: Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the messagewill be rejected.

ME:You are truly a great man.

GANDHI: Unlike those horribleIndians!Am I right or what?

ME:What?! But, Mahatma, aren't you of Indian decent?

GANDHI: I meant the American ones.

ME: Oh. Well, didn't the Native Americans originally come over from Asia anyway?

GANDHI: Don't remind me.