Picking up classmates often borders on impossible. I’ve split types of classes into different categories for organization’s sake.

The Huge Lecture

Unfortunately, picking up a classmate in a huge lecture is nearly impossible. For one, the person probably has no idea that you exist. Secondly, you have to arrive at the perfect time if you even want to have a chance to sit next to them. And lastly, that person often rolls deep at lecture halls, surrounded by a gang of intimidating friends.

You only have one opportunity to pick this person up, and you better be an awesome conversationalist if you want a snowball’s chance in hell. Wait till the person is either alone or sitting on the outside seat of his/her group. Ask to borrow a pencil or think up some other lame excuse to start a conversation then go from there. If said conversation continues for most of lecture, then you’re golden. If you are a guy, ask for those digits, then ask your friend how he likes them apples in your best Matt Damon Good Will Hunting voice. If you are a female, drop several hints about phone numbers until the dipshit gets the point. Now you’re on the gravy train to Sextown where Prince is the mayor and his phallic guitar is the key to the city.

The Smaller Lecture

Ok, there are about sixty to one hundred people in this class with you. Sit next to your potential one night stand on more than one occasion. Make sure you get to class early so you can have short convos before the professor gets a-droning. This requires much waiting because it will take several class periods before you have enough chat to constitute a full conversation. After you’ve reached this point (about five or six classes), talk about your plans for the weekend and invite the person out. If they show interest, offer and/or get a number. If they don’t show interest, you’re on the way to Masturbation Station. Be happy with this situation, because if you push it then you will surely get creep rep faster than you can say, “I’ve seen Say Anything thirty times.”

The Discussion

There isn’t really much to the discussion other than luck. Only offer intelligent insights during class. If you say stupid shit, you will make a bad impression. If you don’t say anything, then the person will probably have no idea that you are even in the class. Once you’ve made an impression, your only option is to go out every night of the week, visiting more than one bar a night, and hope that you run into the person. When you finally run into the person, say, “Hey, aren’t you in my ________ discussion?” and discuss the class. By the end of the night, you will feel like you know each other very well and the person will feel comfortable around you. Believe me, this works, for I have been on both ends of the situation and have yet to come up empty bedded.

Good Luck Readers!