Everyday I notice at least five people falling asleep in class. They aren't always the same five people, but drool on a desk and closed eyelids are not uncommon things in classrooms across the nation. This tells me one of two things. The first possibility is that there are too many people in the classrooms and not enough oxygen. As we all know, oxygen comes on a first come first serve basis, and some people just aren't fast enough. They can't get enough oxygen to their brains, causing them to pass out. The second thing this could mean is that we aren't getting enough sleep. I read somewhere (I have conveniently forgotten where) that we should be getting 10 hours and 45 minutes of sleep every night. In order to get that much sleep, and still make it to my early classes in the morning I'd have to be asleep by 9.

That means I'd have to be in bed by 8:45, witch means I'd have to be getting ready for bed at like 8:15. So the poker game I played before I went to bed would have to start at 6, and that is right when I finish dinner which would've started at 5:30. Now assuming I shower in the morning I have to wake up 15 minutes earlier, and I'd have to push everything at night 15 minutes back. So it's 5:15, I've already done my homework, which I started when I got out of class at 3. From 8:30 am until 3 pm I'm in and out of classes, meeting with my advisor, eating lunch with my friends, and a list of commitments and events splattered throughout.

Uh oh, but what a minute (a minute that I don't have because the day isn't long enough), I play a sport that takes up 2 hours in the afternoon, and work study for another 2 hour shift. So say I don't play poker, and do a crappy job on my homework, that takes off maybe 3 hours. This leaves me – ummm, 2:06, minus 40, plus 16, carry the 1, F.O.I.L, the remainder – Ahh yes, 1 hour, and 30 minutes short. Keep in mind that, this is excluding any time for just "hangin out" which is the only thing keeping me sane these days. I guess that means it isn't the oxygen problem.

Some people find ways to manage their schedules like drinking 3 cups of coffee a day, or just not finishing all their work, and hoping there isn't a pop quiz on the reading the next day. Recently though I heard of a new trick to combat the sleepy conditions on college campuses. My friend who, for the sake of concealing her identity we will call Gertrude, is a Bio-Chem major. Gertrude is taking 4.5 credits and TAing a class. She is also on the equestrian team and has to spend time two days a week with her horse who, for the sake of concealing his identity, we will call Elmer. On top of her classes, work, and horse, she has to take time to worry about her boyfriend who, for the sake of concealing his identity, we will call Big Mac. Juggling all of these activities began to take its toll on poor Gertrude.

Fed up, and willing to try anything, Gertrude put in a call to her doctor, who diagnosed her with narcolepsy. She got a prescription for a drug that keeps her awake long enough to finish her work. This has had clear adverse effects on her health and social life ("what social life?" she'd ask). It's unfortunate to see what a lack of hours during the week can do to a girl like Gertrude, or anyone else for the matter.

This is a serious problem with a whole nation full of schools and I'd like to offer two solutions. The first one is that we set up high-powered rockets on abandoned islands in the Pacific Ocean and set them off so that they decrease the rotation of the earth, adding 1 hour and 30 minutes to the time it takes the earth to make one complete revolution. I haven't thought about side effects of this plan, we may lose a couple endangered species, but that's it.

The second solution goes like this: Brainwash a large group of governmental officials. Then, once they are in our control, we get a law passed creating the American Calendar, which has 9 days a week, splittings the work week up into three-day blocks, each with a day break in the middle.

These solutions may seem drastic, so I'm thinking we might have to do some sort of demonstration first to gain public support. Maybe we could march to Washington DC, and come together under one giant blanket to take a huge nap. We could call it the "million man nap." Yeah that'll show "'em!