Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
July 16, 2007
I skipped work today to see Harry Potter.
I thought it would quench, but it only did fodder
My desperate need for that final book.
I need it. I need it! I just want a look.
J.K, I am really not kidding at all.
My Amazon order had better not stall.
A new rumor says that Hermione will die,
But I'm here to tell you that really won't fly.
Harry should die and we all surely know it,
So in the new book I'm hoping you show it.
And, seriously now, Snape can't be bad,
I just know he must be a good-hearted cad.
And Dumbledore, Dumbledore cannot be dead.
Please say, like the Phoenix, his return's ahead.
Now Voldemort, he had best get the axe.
I don't care how, someway awesome perhaps?
I just know that his nose will be stuck in our minds
(And who was the genius who cast old Ralph Fiennes?)
He truly was creepy and the movie was great,
But Amazon, really, don't be f*cking late.
I read the last book in one rapid sitting
And I'll do it again. I will not be splitting.
Cover to cover, who needs to savor?
Ms. Rowling, however, I have one last favor:
I have many questions. Please answer them there.
I'm not like a nerd so I don't really care,
But, truly, you must say before it all ends
Why all of the wizards refuse to use pens.
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