Why can't we just combine L-M-N-O-P into one new letter… like… ellemenohpee? Spell check my term paper now Jason Stevens you friggin' turd T.A.!!!

Why is it, that when I pull up to someone's bumper doing 85 miles an hour and waving my gun at them they always freak out and pull over? How the hell does everyone else tell people they have a tail light out?

If dogs could talk would they still make a barking noiseor just yell the word "bark" really loudly?

I am pretty certain that if cats could talk I would still hate them…

Why is it that every painting of a person I ever look at, the eyes follow me, but when my girlfriend caught me masturbating to 1950's animal/midget/thousand island dressing porn she couldn't look at me for weeks?

How come no one appreciates it when I put my dick in a box? I don't care if it is against Lady Foot Locker policy!

Do you think retarded people get together and do impersonations of non-retarded people by talking normally? Wait… that could never happen. Retards are funny that way.