What the fuck guys? Seriously, where were your heads at? You guys are supposed to be my friends, and you let me go and do something like this? Man, I hate you guys.

Did you do it just so you could have a laugh at my expense? If that were the case, I'd accept that. But no, you guys simply just dropped the ball, and that is inexcusable.

Oh, you're gonna say it's my fault now? That's bullshit and you know it. Her face was like 6 inches away from mine when she introduced herself and said she wanted to make out. What else was I to do, huh? You guys had a perfectly good view of her, you couldn't stop me?

Honest to God, the only thing worse than kissing that land whale was the fact that you guys had the balls, the sheer audacity, to give me shit about it as well. I'm not the one in the wrong here. Sure, it may have looked like a fatty was trying to eat my face, but I am the victim here. You guys screwed up.

Friends don't let friends make out with fat chicks.