What? You mean to tell me that you’ve never in your entire life watched one single episode of (Television Show)? Oh my god, you can’t be serious. It’s without a doubt, the single best thing on television in the past ten years. You haven’t watched any of it? You wanna borrow my season 1 DVDs? No really, I insist. Just watch it, I guarantee you'll love it as much as I do. Hey, check out (Lead Character Whose Gender You Are Attracted To) on the front of the box, (he/she) is so unbelievably hot, right? I’d do anything to hook up with (Actor Playing Aforementioned Character).

You’re so lucky that you get to experience the utter joy of watching (Television Show) for the first time. I can't even remember when I started, but when I saw… oh, whoops, I totally almost spoiled it for you. Oooo, but it's so good! Can I tell you one thing? You sure it’s OK? I won’t tell you if you don’t want to know. I can? Sweet, in season 1, episode 8, guess who makes a guest appearance? (C-list Actor). You know, from (Mid-90s Action Movie C-list Actor Had a Supporting Role In)? Right, it’s so cool to see (him/her) interact with the cast, and (he’s/she’s) so good at playing an (Exaggerated One-Dimensional Stereotype). I have like, so much respect for (him/her) now.

Season one, wow. It’s unbelievable how much the cast has grown from that point. I mean, if you compare (Supporting Character Who Started Off as a Villain, But Has Grown Into a Hero)’s journey, it really says so much about how all people are good on the inside. All in all, (Television Show) reaffirms your faith in humanity. Of course, even from episode one, I really identified with (Supporting Character Used as Comic Relief). It’s like the writers have captured my essence, you know? I would definitely call myself the “(Supporting Character Used as Comic Relief)” of our group of friends. And Heather would be the (Attractive, Sexually Promiscuous Supporting Female Character)! Ha, she’s such a slut.

It’s not all fun though. It was so sad when (Minor Character Who Isn’t Even in the Opening Credits) died. Oh crap! Oh, I really didn’t mean to tell you that. I’m soooo sorry. It’s OK, you don’t know HOW they died. You’ll never see it coming. Oh wait, they spend the entire episode teasing the inevitable death. Whatever. It’s still so sad to see how everyone reacts to the tragic passing; it makes you feel like you're a part of their lives. That's why I love it so much, you actually feel like you're at (Location In Which the Series Takes Place). The Emmys constantly ignore how good the acting in this show is, in fact the Emmys suck, they don’t know great TV when they see it. (Television Show) kicks ass. THIS is going to be the next works of Shakespeare, a couple of hundred years down the line. Trust me.