1) How is it possible that people STILL don't know the difference between "Reply" and "Reply All"? It was bad enough that some idiot sent an e-mail to the entire company regarding their unused ballet tickets, but you sure as hell don't need to inform everyone that you would like to attend.

2) What, exactly, is a moral victory? I'm pretty sure you can't be victorious if you lose. Is there such a thing as an immoral victory?

3) The use of sports analogies in the working environment has gone too far. I'm sorry, but we are not LIKE a football team, and you are definitely NOT the quarterback. In fact, you aren't even the fucking water boy.

4) Every situation in life can be related to a Seinfeld episode.

5) I once read that everyone has two explanations for everything they do: the real one, and the one that sounds good. I like to call them the reason and the excuse. Two examples:

You took a job because…
Excuse: the firm is an industry leader and there are many opportunities for advancement.
Reason: they pay you way more than you're worth to play solitaire and check facebook.

You like a girl because…
Excuse: she is very sweet and has a great sense of humor.
Reason: she has an amazing ass and could suck a baseball through a garden hose.

6) Being overrated is highly underrated.

7) One of the most difficult parts of moving to a new city for me has been setting my radio presets. This is something that I have never taken lightly; those six buttons are like a window into my soul. It took me years to develop a system for Nebraska, and even that was ever-evolving with the ebbs and flows of my music persona. Now I must decide not only what stations are worthy, but in what order they should be placed. Do I go in numerical order or order of preference? Should I place them according to the genre of their Nebraskan counterparts? Do I leave one "open" that can be changed based on my mood? What if I can't find a good oldies station? Alternative, Rock, Classic, Oldies, Talk, Nostalgic, the possibilities are endless. It's a damn good thing I don't like Country, because then I'd really be fucked.

8) I have realized that sarcasm doesn't come off near as well in writing as it does in conversation. The problem is you can't tell a person's tone in their writing. My solution: sarcasm marks. They are like quotation marks, only for sarcasm. I have yet to decide on what punctuation to use, but I think the "" should suffice for now. Example:

E-mail message - I have 2 tickets to Kansas City Ballet's "Deuce Coupe" featuring songs from the Beach Boys for Friday night.

My reply (to all, naturally) - Two tickets to the Ballet! +I've been waiting my whole life for this day!