There are two distinct types of people at your school, the smooth black guy and the creepy white dude. It may seem like they don't have anything in common, but when it comes down to it the differences are subtle, yet uncanny!

Smooth Black Guy :: Creepy White Dude

  • is the guy "friend" to all the girls, especially hot blonde white girls with huge tits
  • tries to be the guy friend to all the girls, but is taken as a creepy white dude looking to rape the hot blonde girls with huge tits
  • feels confident in talking to any lady, of any race and any religion
  • feels confident in making obscene passes at Asian girls, who he's had a sick fetish for since Final Fantasy
  • lives in a smokin' hot bachelor pad off-campus
  • lives in an underground lair where he is heralded as "the rat king"" aka his R.A. single bedroom on campus
  • has a deep, tender loving voice that commands respect and makes you ooze on the spot
  • has a cracking, prepubescent screech that emits from his mouth in what can only be used to call small rodents to his underground lair
  • scopes out the chicks in classy sunglasses wherever he goes
  • scopes out the chicks using highly powerful binoculars bought on eBay
  • makes sweet love to the ladies
  • rapes his stuffed Elmo
  • has sex for hours on end in an orgy of gorgeous women" Asian, African, and Caucasian
  • prematurely ejaculates into his Sesame Street collection of Big Bird, Snuffulupagus, and Elmo" then moves on to his sister's 3-foot-tall My Size Barbie doll
  • gives a lady a sensual foot massage in what will inevitably lead to passionate lovemaking
  • awkwardly pokes girl's foot with replica Luke Skywalker lightsaber in pathetic attempt to have sex
  • collects autographed sports memorabilia, fine wines, and thongs from all the women he's banged
  • collects small rodents, dead insects, and first-generation Star Trek memorabilia
  • has a closet full of savvy, sophisticated outfits to wear
  • has a closet full of dead prostitutes who were unwilling to wear "the Elmo outfit" to turn him on
  • mouth is kept fresh with tic-tacs, gum, or mint spray
  • recently caught insects are kept fresh by the heat and wetness of being sealed within his mouth
  • epitomizes tall, dark and handsome
  • epitomizes death
  • has a 1.2 GPA
  • has a 3.9 GPA