At Class
Professor: I seem to be short one syllabus, can anybody just look on with their neighbor?Kid: Ey! Hey! You gotta talk to my friend, his dad looks JUST LIKE YOU! OHMYGOD!!!! Here call him. Take a video picture or whatever the hell you do.Professor: What is the commotion young man?Kid: All right, brb dude, whatever.

At Home

Kid: Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude.Roommate: Stop! I'm trying to study. Seriously, you smell.Kid: Ahahahhaha! I just upper decked this kid's toilet, dude.Roommate: What!? That's our only bathroom! Will you clean it up? Kate's coming over to study.Kid: You can do so much better than her… forget her. Seriously. You're such a good guy.

On a Date
Cindy: Hey. Thanks for taking me here. I've actually had a lot of fun.Kid: HEY!!!! Somebody please sing the theme song from Zelda. All I can hear is Mario Bros. Right now. I'm going crazy. Hey, sing it!Cindy: Ugh, get off me you creep.Kid: Nah nah, that's not it. I think it starts with a melody.

At Family Dinner
Mother: How is this semester treating you, honey?Kid: Oh my god. Lets get fucking pizza. Or something, like a fucking giant pepperoni. So good!Father: Apologize to your mother.Kid: Apologize to my dick.Father: I have no son.

At a Stand Up Comedy Club
Comedian: I think they are just toilet paper! Wouldn't that be funny? If they were just like "Hey Osama! I need to wipe my ass!" "Just use your turban, Mohammad!" Kid: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHA!!!!!Comedian: Haha, this kid gets it.