Let me get this straight. You're really into computers and gaming and stuff, but you're also not doing well at school? I mean, what are you doing with your time, if not studying? You're clearly not going to the gym or socializing.

I mean, when you walked to class the other day with only one notebook and an erasable pen, I thought that meant you're "too smart" to buy books or something. I didn't think you were actually just a dumbass.

Jesus, look at your desk, it's filthy. Did you really get a 10/29 on that last quiz or was the teacher just writing the current date? Both? Hm, that delicious coincidence isn't enough to numb my shock at the fact that you are simultaneously so scrawny and stupid. I honestly thought those two were inversely proportional…

So when you watch challenges that are like "Brain Vs. Brawn" who do you root for? There's no "neither" team.

I guess for every smart jock in the world there has to be one of you to keep the universe in equillibrium. So what do you all day long? I mean, you must have something going for you…other than shooting cats with that slingshot you got.

Actually, can I touch you? Just your arm, I promise I won't interrupt that Unreal Tournament game you're playing, I just want to make sure you exist. Wow. This is so surreal. You feel like a real human, but you are so rare, so unique, you practically aren't.

—-Join us next week when we tackle Unathletic Meatheads!