Dear Nintendo Wii,

How bout I go outside when I feel like it!No. NO!Don’t show me a picture of a window, I remember what the outdoors looks like, ok?I just downloaded a whole season of BBC’s Planet Earth.Are there buffalo and Arctic Shrimp in , Wii?Huh?!No, so why don’t you stop bitching.No, I don’t need to do something else for a while.Fake tennis is exercise too, you know!I bet I’m so good at real tennis by now that I’d be too good to have a partner in real life.No!Stop showing that window!I get my vitamin D from milk now!I don’t need the sunshine!Never!Would someone with rickets be able to knock down six hundred pins at once, Wii?No.I didn’t think so.Now watch me bowl, bitch!