So you're in class when you realize you have a boner. "Oh no," you think, "I hope I don't get called up to the board!" Then you realize that this isn't 8th grade and that no one gets called up to the board anymore. After that you look around the room and notice how unattractive the girls are. Then you think about Floam. After all that you check out your TA and realize her T&A isn't half bad for a nerdy grad student. Well my friend, you can bone her, here's how:

Show up to class early: At least by two hours. If there's a class already in there sit in the front of that one and yell things like, "Yeah right" and "You wish" when the professor says anything.

Have an apple: But get this, it's a sour apple lollipop. You'll say to your TA before class starts, "Hey I didn't have any apples, but I brought you this sour apple Blow Pop." Then giggle like a school boy. When she reaches to take the apple you'll continue, "But the thing is this is my favorite flavor and I only have this one left" " Then turn around and sit in your seat, you tease.

Ask questions: Anytime your TA asks if anyone has any questions, ask one, even if they don't pertain to the subject matter at all. Ask something like, "What was the name of the actor that played the youngest son on Home Improvement? His name is on the tip of my tongue."

Stay After: Take a red marker from the dry erase board and uncap it as you walk up to her. "Red," you'll whisper, "the color of love." Then proceed to draw a mustache on yourself right before you lean in to kiss her.

Bone: Your TA has been too busy being uptight to enjoy having sex, so you're in for a glorious ride on the wave that is pent up sexual energy. After you do it on your teachers desk for what will seem like days pop that lollipop in your mouth and walk out without putting pants on. Don't bother coming to class again, you just got an A+.