Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The War On Terror, In A College Student's Terms, Pt. II
November 9, 2006
This is the second part to
All right guys, I know we're all grieving about the loss of those kegs, but we need to move on and make whoever is responsible pay for this.
I agree. I think we all do. But we need to know who is responsible first. Have you guys heard anything yet?
No man, I've just been too devastated, I sorta just laid in bed and waited for news from you guys.
Same here man, but I'm ready to kick some ass. You guys know anything?
Yea, actually, I heard from one of my buddies who lives near them that that tall dude does in fact hang out with those guys from Towel House. I say we head over there and see if they know anything.
Ok man, as long as you're sure these are the right guys, let's go on over there.
Hey, you kidding me? I'm a great leader, ok? Just let me do my thing.
(Later that night)
Ok guys, here's the house.
So what do we do, just go up and knock on the door?
Umm, yea, pretty much. They probably expected we were coming anyway. Mike, you go first.
All right man.
Huh? What are you guys talking about?
You were at our house last night, right?
Uhh, yea, I think we stopped by for a little bit"
And are you friends with that really tall guy? We think he stole two of our kegs last night.
Tall guy? Umm, we've hung out with him before, but he's not really our friend or anything.
Oh bullshit! I went on your Facebook and saw pictures of all you guys hanging out in the "Fall '06 Shitshow" album!
OK OK! Fine! Yea he's our friend, but he doesn't live here.
Well how'd he get the kegs out? He sure as hell didn't take two kegs by himself.
" well, all right" we sorta got really drunk last night and he convinced us to help him take those two kegs back to his place.
Why would you want to do that to us? We've never done anything to you!
He said it's about some bigger plan of his or something, but we were just pissed at you guys because you always throw the best parties and hook up with chicks.
That's a bullshit excuse man. If you had a problem with us you coulda come right out and say it instead of acting like a bunch of pussies and just taking our kegs like that.
Yea dick, those were more than just kegs. They were a symbol for our college way of life!
Well, let's not get too melodramatic here" the point is that we're gonna have to give you guys a beating for this unless you tell us where he is.
I'd tell you guys, but I honestly don't know where that guy lives. He sorta just roams around.
Oh bullshit man. You know damn well where he is.
No, seriously, we don't. If we could give you those kegs back we would, but we just don't have them.
Fuck this. Let's get him guys.(Fight ensues, Towel House is decimated)
to be continued
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.