I can’t believe I finally got invited to a real college party. Sure I go to little get togethers every now and then, but this is the real thing. There’s going to be a shit-ton of ladies there. With any luck I might be able to take one home tonight. Ok, maybe not. I might however be able to get near a few of them and try to sniff their hair when they aren’t paying attention. This is going to be great. Party starts in three hours. It’s time to start getting ready.

Ok. I’ve showered, shaved, and shit. The three S’s are good to go. Did I brush my teeth? Hmm, they don’t feel all fuzzy so, good enough for me. It’s time to slap a little gel in the hair and style the fuck out of it. I never know how much gel to use. They need a little chart on the back. If your hair is this long use this much gel etc. Seriously, not everyone has gone through beauty school. Anyway, hair is gelled. Looking good. Do I need hairspray too? I need a girlfriend to help me out with this crap. That’s what this party is all about though my friend. Time for clothes.

I wonder if this is a t-shirt and jeans sort of event or if I should whip out the nicer clothes with a collar. If I do wear a t-shirt, should it be plain and simple or have a funny picture or something on it? Do all guys have this much trouble figuring out to wear? I hope I’m not gay. No, a gay guy would know how much gel to use. Ok, I think I got it, Hawaiian shirt. It’s got the collar which says, “I’m serious about lovin’ you,” but it’s got the sweet ass design that says, “I like to party.” Now which one? Do I want to be known as the guy who likes a martini or the guy who enjoys a nice palm tree? Man I love Hawaiian shirts. No matter what you like there’s a shirt for you. You like fishing? Done. Are you in to flowers and shit? Gotcha covered. How about a little moonlight walk on the beach? Hawaiian shirt is there for ya. Damn, I need to get going. Umm, let’s go with the martini shirt. Nothing says big fat party animal like a Hawaiian shirt with alcoholic beverages all over it.

One last check in the mirror and I’m am set to go. Damn I am a sexy fucker. Bring on the ladies!