Do you exploit every situation for your personal gain, even if it means taking advantage of your friends? Can you talk yourself out of any situation? Do you consider yourself the blonde Tom Cruise? Can you call "time out" and stop time to avoid being punched in the face? Have you gotten with enough girls that your body has developed a super-STD called herpegonnosyphillitis? Have you ever induced people to fall in love with you by having them listen to a song you subliminally altered? Congrats champ, you are" Zack "Preppy" Morris

Are you a bookworm? Ever OD'd on caffeine pills because your girl group had a big audition the night before an even bigger geometry test? Are you an uptight feminist but attracted to the star football player/wrestler? Have you lost both a student election and the opportunity to be valedictorian by one vote/GPA point, respectively? Did you unexpectedly leave school for a while without saying goodbye and then coming back as if nothing had happened? Well, get ready for a future career in NC-17 skin flicks, because you're" Jessie "Mama" Spano

Do you constantly let people take advantage of your high intelligence? Do you relentlessly pine over a girl who turns you down every time, even though when she injured her foot before a dance contest you turned her injury into an inj-vantage and wowed Casey Kasem? Know how to make fake IDs? Have you ever inadvertently made an acne medication with the small side effect of turning the skin maroon? Do you beat your robot Kevin after a long day of no one liking you? Well, do the math, because you =" Samuel "Screech" Powers

Are you a star athlete? Have you been to 14 schools in a three-year span because you're an Army brat? Have you entered a beauty pageant only to lose to a nerd? Do you secretly know how to dance ballet? Attracted to an ultra-feminist? Have you ever tried to punch your best friend only to somehow connect with the principal? Be prepared to dance amongst stars my friend, because you are" A.C. "Bubba" Slater

Are you black? Then you're" Lisa Turtle

Are you the most popular girl at your high school? Are you the head cheerleader who is in an on-again off-again relationship with the most popular guy at your school? Have you ever played off skin discoloration as school pride, thus winning you the title of Homecoming Queen? Ever just up and left school for a period of time and magically come back for the final few days? Did you totally miss the group high five at the beginning of every show? 2, 4, 6, 8, we all appreciate" Kelly Kapowski

When you wake up in the morning and your alarm gives off a warning, do you think you'll never make it on time? By the time you grab your books and give yourself a look, are you at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by? It's all right, "'cuz you're" The Guy Who Sings The Theme Song