Today's horoscope: some time today, you will believe in nonsense.

Evidence That The President of Nickelodeon Has a Stutter
- W-Wild and Crazy Kids
- W-W-What Would You Do?
- Do-Do-Do-Do you have it? (Guts!)
- Nick Nick Nick N-Nick Nick Nick, Nickelodeon
I'm not fat, I just get automatic shotgun when there are 5 people in the car.
Rejected Mitchum Man-isms
- If you've gotten drunk by yourself and watched Man vs. Wild, you're a Mitchum Man.
- If you've eaten more than one chili dog in the past six months, you're a Mitchum Man.
- The cops don't know anything. It's your word against hers, and you're a Mitchum Man.
Infrequently Asked Questions Section on AIM.com
- Can I make a buddy icon of my dick? If so, how? If not, why not?
- Is there an emoticon for "do not tell your parents?" One more specific than "my lips are sealed?"
- How long after a friend dies do you take their screen name off your buddy list?
If James Brown wasn't so sure all the time:
I feel ok, I guess.
I thought there was a chance that maybe I would feel that way.
ROBBIE 2525: Professor, though I am robot, I wish to experience love.
PROFESSOR: Hmm. Try switching off your "Yearn to be Human" circuit.
ROBBIE 2525: "Yearn to be Human" circuit deactivated. Return to primary objective. DESTROY ALL!!! CONQUER!!!
Dad Who Just Discovered The Internet
How many kilobytes are in a mile? It says it's going 24 kilobytes a second. Is that fast? Is that like overnight delivery or UPS ground?
Office Banter
"Hey, who did you blow to get that promotion?"
"My manager."
Worst places to read Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita
- Prison
- While driving an ice cream truck
- Your younger sister's 6th grade graduation party
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