Despite Kobe Bryant’s publicly announced desire to leave the Los Angeles
Lakers, Coach Phil Jackson believes that “when it comes time in Hawaii for
this team to step on the floor [for training camp], Kobe’s going to be
wearing a Laker uniform." This came as a shock to Bryant who was unaware
that clothes could be forced on to a person.

Arbitrations between the Miami Dolphins and Dante Culpepper have been
postponed as both sides continue to seek a resolution. Said a Dolphins representative, “This thing is just dragging on and on. We looked
at our legal bills and we haven’t seen anything this high since Ricky
Williams.”

David Beckham will be playing in his premier game for the Los Angeles
Galaxy on July 21, though skeptics wonder whether he will be a good fit
for LA. A representative for the Galaxy squashed these rumors by saying,
“With his extreme good looks, millions of dollars, and mediocre talents,
he’ll be perfect for this town.”

In anticipation of Barry Bond’s breaking Henry Aaron’s record of 755
homeruns the San Francisco Giants have announced plans to release a
limited edition commemorative bobble-head doll of the slugger. It will be
the first ever bobble-head doll built entirely to scale.

Despite being under investigation for gambling it has recently been
discovered that the NBA let referee Tim Donaghy stay on through the
season. When questioned as to his future with the NBA Donaghy said,
“Gambling? That is preposterous. 50 bucks says I’m back next season.”

Michael Vick was indicted this week on federal dogfighting charges. This
came as a surprise to fans, who were not even aware that the Falcons
quarterback was a fighter pilot.

Changes are ahead for Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady as he welcomes the
birth of his first child and new team mate Randy Moss. It will be a
difficult season for the two-time Superbowl MVP as he will have to deal
with the constant temper tantrums and emotional outbursts that come
with an immature, crying baby, though it should make his own child seem
easy by comparison.