By Mrs. Cynthia Usher-Neuman-Terwilliger
Professional Lady-Who-Lunches.

Marguerite, you wouldn't believe the day I've had. It's all been so stressful! Well, first of all, Nanny Consuela called and said she had a doctor's appointment, something about 'growth', blah blah, 'spreading to the brain', blah blah. I can barely understand the woman, her accent is SO thick! She's Guatamexican or something, I don't know what her real name is… Hmm? That's because I call ALL my staff Consuela, even the men. It makes it easier for me; I can't be bothered with unimportant details like names.

So I'm left in the house with the baby which is crying and dirty and trying to touch my Rochas dress with its paws. Thankfully, the rest of my staff of Consuelas arrived about 15 endless minutes later, so I escaped out to the club. But once I'm there, I'm forced to make a decision about what color paint George wanted for our yacht, SS Conspicuous Consumption . I nearly CRIED from the stress but, because of the Botox, my tears got sucked back into my head.

THEN I remembered I was lunching with Aubriana Charles-DuPont this afternoon. I rushed over to Alain Ducasse as fast as Driver Consuela could go. We hit a hard bump, I think it was a Mexican man selling ice pops from a cart because I could hear the bells when the Lexus ran it over, and I bashed my hand against the wall and broke a nail while trying to keep my Perrier from spilling!!! So I rush in looking quite frightful and…well… middle class. I know, right? Ewwww. Then Aubriana tells me that my son Gyeoffreey stabbed her son Fauntleroy with his silver spoon!

Great Gucci's Ghost, I'm taking a week off at Le Suck et Tuck Spa to recover. Honestly, Margie, being a stay-at-home mother is absolutely EXHAUSTING.