They're out! The 2006 High School Power Rankings! Much like the College Power Rankings this is a scientific analysis of the coolest high schools in the nation. See how your school did. (If they did not appear on here, just throw a kegger on the football field, send a pic to CollegeHumor, and you'll be shot up to #1)
% Parents Go Out On Weekend: The higher the percentage that parents go out, the higher the likelihood that there'll be a raging kegger (read: Mario Kart tournament with cheap vodka) going on. You may think that 11.3, the highest percentage, is pretty low, but think about it: how many friends' parents actually went out on the weekend? 1 in 9 is a pretty damn good number, so don't question the system.
% Non-Fat Girls With At Least B-Cups: Pretty self-explanatory. This by no means correlates to the number of these girls you will hook up with; it just means that there is an abundance of eye candy (the sweetest candy of all). Stats could be slightly thrown off because these are measured with bras and tops on; any other way could land us in the slammer.
Off-Campus Lunch: Nothing says "teenage independence" like being able to go off-campus for lunch. Well, I suppose a doll that simply says, "teenage independence," but those have gone out of style long ago. Whether the eateries are good is of no import, because anything tastes better than dried out pizza and soggy chicken sandwiches your friendly high school cafeteria worker slops on your plate.
% MySpacers: The higher the number in this category the fewer points a school received for one simple reason: high school kids on MySpace are desperate, fat, attention-seeking losers. No one wants to be bombarded with the latest "Panic! At the Disco" song when surfing the internets, jerk. Facebook for high school is fine, as it allows high school girls to keep in touch with the college students who statutorily raped them and for high school boys to ogle Jenn Sterger.
Student Bands: This one also goes in the minus column because everyone knows that no matter how many student bands a high school has, only one of them is remotely bearable to listen to. The others are an attack on the eardrums akin to a fat person having its way with your dead grandmother's corpse. Or because they use too much synth. The 80's called dudes, and they want their musical staple back!