In Dante’s Inferno Hell is personalized for each sinner.
But he leaves a lot of people out…



Mikey Ernst, Bully

A man dressed as Santa Claus repeatedly tells Mikey that he’s not only real, but really angry. Santa then matches each of Mikey’s misdeeds to a present he’ll never receive. Afterwards, the man reveals himself to be Mikey’s long-lost father, who hates him.


Brian Smith, Optometrist

Demons play a variant of three-card-monty with Brian’s glasses. No matter which pair he picks, it’s the wrong prescription. The demons eventually feel bad and let him win, but there’s nothing to see.


James Beck, Agnostic

God reveals Himself every morning at 9:15, 10, 10:45, and 11:30, followed by a parade. James must watch each one, though he usually gets the gist by 10:30. The rest of his day is pretty boring.


Steve Dent, Metrosexual

While Steve has several hair and makeup imps, they don’t perform up to his standards. Even keeping up with Hell’s latest trends, he’s constantly mocked. His hats don’t have horns, his feet aren’t cleft, and he’s a little embarrassed about the whole thing.


Jim "Mellow Man" Frederson, Hippie

There’s so many reasons for Jim to dislike Hell. It’s really hot, everybody’s pissed, and there’s only one jam band. They’re really good, but only play one song. And it tortures him.


Trent Mann, Arsonist

Fires blaze and destruction reigns all around him, but Trent feels down and his stomach is upset. He’s tired. He just doesn’t enjoy the things he used to.