I was wandering through campus the other day and wondering what it is about frat guys that sets them apart from everyone else…I started with the obvious – the way they look…what is it about a frat guy that visually sets them apart? I put in some serious time on this one and it's that they are desperately trying to make some facet of their appearance which is either obscenely stupid or flamboyantly gay look really cool.

Examples:

Pastel Colored Polo Shirts – is it easter? I didn't think so.

Sunglasses Straps(crokies)- the only people that have an excuse to wear these are people involved in extreme sports (wake boarding, skiing, biking, etc.) and last time I checked the Jaeger Olympics and Keg Stand, albeit entertaining, were not on the list.

Shorts without cargo pockets – not a really big deal but do you honestly think you can convince me that your shorts with 2 pockets are better than mine with 6? I'm an economist and I know that 6 is bigger than four (unlike the inebriated freshmen sorority girls at most frat parties)

Loafers…oh loafers – where to begin? Outside of the Collegiate Bubble who wears loafers? Your dad. One of the quintessential truths of growing up is that nothing…absolutely nothing your parents do is ever "cool"…still true in college "dude". I'm not your "bro" and I'd like to let you know that the loafers look better on your dad because he's not wearing them with a pastel polo and Croakies…unless he's a douche.