Languages, now those are something I could never do, speak another language. I tried, I took about three classes for French, but all I fucking remember is how to ask if they speak English. Fuck that, I'm not going to try very hard, I figure if I wind up touring France, I want to be the dumbfounded tourist, I want people to look at me and say, he is not a Frenchman. Speaking another language isn't really all that important either if you speak English. I think it's actually kind of expected. But what pisses me off, is when someone you know doesn't speak another language claims that they do.

Sometimes one will find themselves talking to a friend, or co-worker, or maybe an idiot, and some how you will get on the topic of languages and they will be talking out of their ass, like they know something about Spanish, fuck that, you know they don't speak any other languages. So you call them on it, "fuck you, you don't speak another language." "Yeah I do," they reply, "I speak some Spanish." Oh, really, you speak some Spanish do you, yeah that is exactly the same as speaking fluent Spanish as a second language, how dumb of me for thinking that you needed to know all the words to be able to speak another language, I don't know what bent state mind I was getting my logic from. When you can't speak a language, and have people native to that country understand you, IT" ISN'T" .SPEAKING" ..FLUENTLY.

Confidently, these renaissance driven individuals will look at you and say with a turned up nose, "Habla Espanol?" Well that just seals it doesn't it? I'm sorry I had no faith in you! It is quite apparent that you are extremely well versed in the romance language of the Spaniards. By the fact that you just said the two words that everybody in the fucking world knows in the Spanish language, proves to me that you indeed can speak Spanish. Yep, that defiantly proves that you can speak Spanish. Wow, was I all wet about you! (I heard that gem of a phrase in an old POW movie called "Stalag 17"" yah like it?) Seriously, you could be held captive by an abusive uncle in his creepy deer camp and never see the outside world, and you would still know those two Spanish words" it comes with a baby, like Mario and Duck Hunt with Nintendo.

The basis of what I am trying to get at is this. If an evil villain kidnaps you, puts a large book of Spanish words in your face, and says "translate mother fucker, or I will fucking murder you," and if you wind up alive at the end of the night. Then and only then can you say that you speak Spanish. That is the only real way to tell. But if, by the end of that night, you get fucking murdered after having said that you speak Spanish. Then you are not bilingual, but LIE-lingual.