Okay, so you know how everybody thinks that dinosaurs were destroyed by a meteor? Yeah That's not true. They were destroyed by dragons. I'm listening. Dragons evolved from dinosaurs, obviously. Where else would they come from? Certainly not God, creator of heaven and earth. Shut up. They evolved from dinosaurs. And then one day they realized that most dinosaurs suck, so they killed most of them, except for Velocoraptors and T-rex, which they allowed to evolve into birds. Right, right. The rest of them they killed and ate or something. Obviously. Then dragons kept evolving, but they were kind of hot, so they made an ice age. They have that power? Are you going to shut up or not? Fine. Sorry. After the ice age they went to Europe and China, where they became awesome. Especially the Chinese dinosaurs. They learned how to talk. To each other? To everyone. Could anything else talk? People could obviously talk. Oh, people were around by this time. God, yes. Are you even paying attention?
Yeah. Please, continue. I saw this thing on the Discovery Channel about how dragons could actually have existed and breathed fire and stuff. I imagine this is the crux of your thesis. Yeah. They had hollow bird bones so they could fly and their lungs were filled with this gas stuff Butane? No. Shut up! Some other kind of gas. They ate plutonium reserves which broke down and turned into some kind of gas. You didn't bother to write down what the gas was called? No. Scientists are going to want facts like that before they accept your theory. I'm not going to tell scientists my theory. They'll steal it. Yeah. And you know those things that crocodiles have that blocks their throat so they can hold their babies in their mouths while they swim? Okay Well dragons had those to close their throats off so when they breathed fire it didn't burn all their organs and stuff. Why weren't they just made of fireproof material? Because they're reptiles, not children's pajamas. Touche. So they were real. I still don't believe they could talk. Katherine, God, there are a bunch of Chinese stories about talking dragons. You think they just made them up? I guess that's impossible. More impossible than talking reptiles for sure. I agree. Also, a bunch of cultures, like from South America to China, have dragons in their stories, but those cultures never communicated. That means dragons must be real. They also all had pyramids. That means that aliens must be real. God, no! Did you have Mr. Laporte? Yes, I did. Then you saw that video. Yes, I did. Well, you can't disagree with it. Yes I can! Mr. Laporte is the stupidest man alive. He did have a strange penchant for performance fleece Yeah, I know. He's a moron. So you don't believe in aliens? No. But you do believe in dragons? There's nothing to believe in. They were real! So where are they now? I'm getting to that. Okay, so the dragons wiped out almost all of the dinosaurs., but they let T-rexes and stuff live. Yes, I recall. So some of the T-rexes went to Scotland and went into a loch and became Nessie! But Shut up. They did. And Nessie remembered that dragons wiped out all her ancestors, and she wanted revenge. Nessie is a gentle creature. I've read about 500 books about her. Those books are crap. She wanted revenge. But the dragons let her immediate ancestors live. Yeah, but she was still sad about ALL her ancestors. So she lured the dragons to the loch and killed them. How did she lure them? Can she talk too? No, that would be stupid. She obviously communicates through telecommunication. Ah, of course. And when the dragons got there, she killed them all. How? With her deadly flippers? No, with her long neck and sharp teeth. She has blunt teeth I think. They're very sharp. Like knives. Did she strangle them with her neck? No! Her neck gives her range to reach a lot at once. Right There's this one story about a tiger that snuck up on a dragon and tried to kill it but the dragon beat its ass. That's the most one-sided fight of all time, a dragon can breathe fire and fly. Tigers are adorable and have vacant gazes. Yeah, just like kitty. Yeah. Anyway, that's a stupid story. Wait so it's stupid for a dragon to fight a tiger because the dragon would so obviously win, but not stupid to think that the gentle giant Nessie killed all the dragons in the world? Dragons can't breathe fire under water. Why would they be underwater? She lured them there with her telecommunication. Why didn't they just fly around above the water? Shut up! Nessie killed all the dragons. That doesn't make any sense. Nessie is like Godzilla. She can reproduce asexually. I have no qualms about Nessie having been around from the dawn of time until now. I believe that. I just don't believe she'd have the ability or vengeful nature you describe. That's because you're stupid. Is that it? There used to be dragons but then Nessie killed them as revenge for killing most of the dinosaurs? Yes. That's your brief history of time? Yes.