Dear McDonalds' Expensive Ad Team,I'd just like to make a quick comment about a recent commercial I saw for your "food" restaurant. I can understand that you want to market your dollar menu to college students. I mean, what college freshman that has already gained 12 lbs in three months doesn't want to spend his or her last $1.07 on a parfait (by the way, just call it fucking ICE CREAM, parfait sounds French and gay) or apple pie. Anyway, in your latest commercial you portray a scene that is, assumed, to be taking place in college, at a party. I'd just like to correct a few misconceptions that you have about college:

  • No dorm room is the size of a high-priced loft in New York City.
  • No college student would pay, even $1, to go to a party at a dorm room.
  • People drink alcohol in excess at parties in college, not dance to nondescript music stolen from the "Saved by the Bell" jukebox.
  • The coolest guy at the party is NEVER the one that brings a bunch of food from McDonalds $1 menu.
  • If said guy is the coolest guy at the party, the party is more than likely attended primarily by that sweaty fat guy from every freshman year Public Speaking class. Not the models in your commercial.
  • People in college are rarely between the ages of 26 and 37 like the actors in your commercial.
  • The ripped black guy in the cutoff T-shirt does not demand a parfait.
  • In conclusion, I just thought that you may want to get your story straight about college students. Your next commercial should portray students trying to walk through the 24 hour drive-thru because that burrito place is already closed or something. I wish you well in all your future endeavors and hope this has been educational for you.Sincerely, Johnny Shaw