Receiving hate mail is really nothing new. People will take offense to anything and they are usually not afraid to let you know so. Sometimes they'll get pissed for "making fun of good movies" or "being sexist," but no matter the subject they are never shy about letting me know. Here are a couple of the best pieces of hate mail (not changed at all) with my response in bold.

Dear Jake,

You're such a loser, who the hell wastes time coming up with facebook rules. Obviously you're not an engineer. Obviously, you are a humanities major. I will continue to facebook random people. I will continue to put pcitures of me shirtless. Subbsequently, I will continue to facebook people i have never met before.

Have a great day you big loser, go read a book.


Please fix your spelling in the next hate mail. ("Subsequently" and "pictures") Not only did you forget to capitalize "I" in your last sentence, but you started two sentences with the word "obviously" and it just doesn't flow very nicely. I would have taken the second one out and replaced it with "and" — but that's just me.


I don't agree that myspace is for college dropouts and losers. You look like quite the accomplished citizen and I'm sure you probably have a myspace account. So in fact you are calling yourself a loser. Yes, I have a myspace account, do I misuse it, occasionally, but who gives a rats ass. Also, I don't really want to hear judgment from some 19 year old college student who thinks they have life "figured out". Maybe it's the fact that people have such low levels of self esteem from the bars of society, that they need to feel like someone is looking in there direction. So leave them alone, who is it hurting.Just a thought,—————

I'm actually 21, not 19. Not only that, but in a few years I will be the first one to look back and tell you that I don't know anything about anything. And then I'll probably write a hilarious article about it. Just a thought.

Just come out of the closet and it will make it much easier. Or you could just join al queda since you hate everyone, grow up! (And move out of your parents house.) -T.G.

I don't hate everyone! Just stupid people… like those who use homosexuality in a negative way or people whose initials are T.G.

——-Original Message——-Sent: Sun 3/12/2006 8:46 PMTo: Klocksien, JakeSubject: My Space article

Sometimes I am surprised at the arrogance exhibited by some college students. Persons without a college education or college dropouts are not stupid. In fact, reading some of the stuff that appears on College indicates not only ignorance of the real world but a stupid attitude towards anyone not associated with college. There are many reasons people drop out of college and many reasons some do not attend college. You know them as well as I.

As someone who was an engineer with a large aerospace company and with NASA I learned one thing – it ain't the college educated who know it all; frequently it is the computer operator or the technician or sometimes even the janitor that can teach you. They are in the heart of the operation; they see and know what is happening. They know what fails, what is too complicated, and what works best.

Years ago, when I was just starting as an engineer, my Father told me, talk to the guy on the floor, he knows what is going on. The one in the office has very little knowledge of what is happening if he sits in the office and never ventures out to find out what is happening. I found that advice invaluable.I know nothing about My Space and care even less about learning about it. I live in the real world, not the world of the computer, even though my whole professional life was in computers.

In order to help pay my way through college I worked at a number of jobs: janitor, sweeper, unloading coal cars, construction, telephone cable tester, to name a few. I learned on every one of those jobs just how important they were and how important the people I worked with were.If my rant upsets you, so be it. Your arrogance needs to be upset. Next time you feel like putting someone down, remember there is someone out there who thinks you are an arrogant and ignorant.

I didn't actually end up replying to this person but if I would've, it probably would have went something like this…

If you'll notice the site's name, it is COLLEGEhumour (assuming you are Canadian) — not OLDBITTERMANhumour. You admit yourself that you have no idea what MySpace is because you "live in the real world, not the world of the computer."

First of all: real world…? Give my regards to Puck. Second, are we not in "the world of the computer" right now?! If you'll excuse me, I need to go buy plane tickets for winter break, lose a bunch of money in online poker, and go grocery shopping… ALL on the computer! Zing!

Now, I know you were only trying to be humorous with your 'what your major says about you' post, but I was highly offended by your posts under women's studies, and computer science. Women's Studies majors can 'operate a computer worse than a drowned hobo'is just down-right rude. And saying that it's a 'win-win situation' for us to stand closer to the sink and 'give him head' between our 'cleaning and shutting the hell up' is offensive beyond words. Just because we're not going to school to become engineers or doctors or lawyers doesn't mean we're any less important, and doesn't make our major any easier. I'm sorry that you can't see beyond monetary value. I'm sorry equal rights aren't on your agenda for the day. But the next time you decide to post such an offensive and down-right rude article, you had better do your research, and see what audience you're writing to. Oh yes, many people will find this funny, but they're the same people who would have the audacity to post such an unneccessary article.

Sincerely,—————-Women's Studies MajorUniversity of ———————

Oh (wo)man, I haven't read that article in a while and I LOL'd when reminded of it. It just confirms that I am perhaps the greatest person on the face of this …couch I'm sitting on right now.

And by 'couch,' I mean 'earth.'