THOMAS JEFFERSON: Fellow congressmen, I have at last completed our Declaration of Independence. Who among you will be the first to sign this document?

JOHN ADAMS:
I shall give my signature—

JOHN HANCOCK:
No, that's cool, Adams. Step aside, I got this one.

THOMAS JEFFERSON:
My goodness, Mr. Hancock. You've taken up quite a large portion of parchment with your signature.

JOHN HANCOCK:
Oh, did I? I hadn't noticed. Well, at least nowKing George shall know who is the greatest patriot of all!

THOMAS JEFFERSON:
I suppose. Why don't you hand the quill to Mr. Adams?

JOHN HANCOCK:
Of course. Here you go, John… Hmm, I see you've put your John Hancock close to mine. Well done!

JOHN ADAMS:
My what?

JOHN HANCOCK: Ah, you're all putting your Hancocks on here now! How marvelous!

JOHN ADAMS:
Stop calling it that.

JOHN HANCOCK:
That's a mighty fine JH you've stamped on there, Mr. Franklin.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN:
Why thank you, Mr. Hancock. But it's nowhere near the girth of your John Hancock. I can't even read mine without wearing my Franklin bifocals.

JOHN ADAMS:
Franklin bifocals?

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN:
Yes, I just invented them. You wear them to improve your vision.

JOHN HANCOCK:
What a wonderful invention! Would you mind putting your John Hancock on my Franklin bifocals, Mr. Franklin?

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN:
Of course. I believe I left my pen near the Franklin Stove. By the way, I just invented a new stove, everyone. It only costs a few Benjamins if you're interested in purchasing one.

JOHN ADAMS:
"A few Benjamins!" This is outrageous! Friends, I did not declare independence so my compatriots could name things after themselves. Do none of you agree?

SAM ADAMS:
Gentlemen, please. Your words are so bitter.

THOMAS JEFFERSON:
At last, a voice of reason amongst this crowd.

SAM ADAMS:
Yes, bitter. Not at all like my award-winning Summer Wheat Ale. Made from only the finest hops. Let us uncork a cool, refreshing cask of Sam Adams right now!