THOMAS JEFFERSON: Fellow congressmen, I have at last completed our Declaration of Independence. Who among you will be the first to sign this document?JOHN ADAMS: I shall give my signatureJOHN HANCOCK: No, that's cool, Adams. Step aside, I got this one.THOMAS JEFFERSON: My goodness, Mr. Hancock. You've taken up quite a large portion of parchment with your signature.JOHN HANCOCK: Oh, did I? I hadn't noticed. Well, at least nowKing George shall know who is the greatest patriot of all!THOMAS JEFFERSON: I suppose. Why don't you hand the quill to Mr. Adams?JOHN HANCOCK: Of course. Here you go, John
Hmm, I see you've put your John Hancock close to mine. Well done!JOHN ADAMS: My what?JOHN HANCOCK: Ah, you're all putting your Hancocks on here now! How marvelous!JOHN ADAMS: Stop calling it that.JOHN HANCOCK: That's a mighty fine JH you've stamped on there, Mr. Franklin.BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Why thank you, Mr. Hancock. But it's nowhere near the girth of your John Hancock. I can't even read mine without wearing my Franklin bifocals.JOHN ADAMS: Franklin bifocals?BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Yes, I just invented them. You wear them to improve your vision.JOHN HANCOCK: What a wonderful invention! Would you mind putting your John Hancock on my Franklin bifocals, Mr. Franklin?BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Of course. I believe I left my pen near the Franklin Stove. By the way, I just invented a new stove, everyone. It only costs a few Benjamins if you're interested in purchasing one.JOHN ADAMS: "A few Benjamins!" This is outrageous! Friends, I did not declare independence so my compatriots could name things after themselves. Do none of you agree?SAM ADAMS: Gentlemen, please. Your words are so bitter.THOMAS JEFFERSON: At last, a voice of reason amongst this crowd. SAM ADAMS: Yes, bitter. Not at all like my award-winning Summer Wheat Ale. Made from only the finest hops. Let us uncork a cool, refreshing cask of Sam Adams right now!